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Monday, August 31, 2009

*rub rub eyes* LOLS! my eyes is so itchy now=D Hmm~~ finally im 16!! Ask me how i spend my day?? Hmm~ most of the time crying LOLS. Im serious!!=D hmm~ maybe cause i tot of myself as someone more important.. but sad to say, im just so insignificant. LOLS. How should i put it.. oh.. quanyin and mandy didnt greet me for my birthday. Impact hahahas!! Yes im going to receieve belated birthday present from lumch =( haix. Makes me feel so retarded. That time even poh jia min's birthday they got her ballons and all =P not jealous. just upset. Its not fair cause most of my friends are from outside school which are guys. Guys buying present is @.@ and somemore im not even their gf LOLS. Anyways, just feel damn sad =( Cant believe khoon also forgot abt time 12:02. hahahas. More sad hahahas=P but nvm la =D He is not the first one that forget le. So hahahas....Went to khoon's house after that. Nothing to do other than audi and sleep. So i sleep lo... sleep at the way till 4. Realise that nobody is actually going to celebrate with me, decide to celebrate for myself as usual! Its really no big deal to celebrate birthday myself!! LOLS. Nobody has the heart to do it for me, so do it myself!! Wont die from it... Though said that... its just disappointing... thought this year with khoon would be different, on second thought, laogong isnt someone that celebrates, so nobody to blame!! Just like previous years, i would hang out alone to entertain myself and be happy. But this year.. for some reason, just cant cheer up?? LOLS! Maybe im too greedy and was expecting much more from friends. Who knows? I dont deserve it lo..Every year ive been telling myself not to be the same next year, convincing myself that sooner or later, my birthday, i will someone that would bring me out to have fun. Too bad!! This year is over and im still clinging on to this wish=D I tot i would do wat i did, went to plaza sing, intend to play basketball in arcade, saw H. So might as well forget it. Dont want him to see him in my red eye. LOLS later spread in the whole school i damn malu. Headline news:" Jiahuan has no friends to celebrate birthday for her--How pathetic!!" So i went off. Maybe i should get myself a chocolate instead of a cake which everytime i sing my birthday song i would light up with, cause everytime i dont eat abit waste. LOLS. But i cant find my crunchie, so got annoyed and went to take bus home. Laogong sorry, made u feel irritated=( Cause i just cant bring myself to spit out the words :" I feel so weak. u didnt bring me out to have fun today. Such a bad feeling!" On the bus, i saw laogong's concern. The exact same expression as alvin he revealed to me. Dont-know-wat-to-do-to-stop-me-from-crying-face. LOLS. In the end still make laogong cry. Hahahas. Dont need to celebrate le la. Not important anymore. Its the heart that matters. And.. once said, the meaning would be different... anyways, just got really really depressed. Hmm..how many presents do i have today?? None. Hahahas!! =P i realised i mind. I mean.. even if its a card, thats a thought. Even if its something recycled,even if its a ten cent sweet, even if its a peice of paper with wordings, its appreciated. At least i would know im not forgotten...

I wonder why this is always happening lols. Am i not good enough a friend to deserve that greeting from you? Isnt my concerns over every person spilling out. I cant care for every single one equally.. i will be empty soon... Am i not good to them?? I wonder.. LOL. OR AM I JUST TOO PARTICULAR ABT BDAY?? ITS JUST A NORMAL DAY.SHOULDNT HAVE FREAKED ME OUT LIKE THAT!! =( I really don know. I only know im in agony everytime i think of how i am treated by those i gave my care and concerns for. Life isnt fair. I know its rude to demand for anything because giving others love doesnt ask for any repay, but i just dont know why i feel so angry for that moment. Look!! its been 16 years and it just proved that i lived my life as a failure for so long...You know.. 'the same girl that bring smile to everyone's face, could very possibly be the girl that crys to herself every silent night...I hate myself!!!=( Got tired of reflecting and asking myself why. Forget it.. Today is just so.. disappointing.

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Paint the hearts with love that will not fade away=)
5:25 AM